The Leerer

I woke up today sensing the bitterness that has recently engulfed me overtaking my temperament. I was in a foul, angry, piss-and-moan kind of mood. Perhaps it wasn’t the stress of current situation that caused me to be like this, but lack of sleep. See, ‘ol Ima stayed up to watch the complete thunderhumping of the Raiders by the Chargers. Anyway, I woke up and wasn’t in the mood to deal with people or the lovely pile of turds that Kat’s dog had so sweetly left in the floor for me. But, nevertheless, I trekked off to the financial aid office for what I was sure would end up being a shitty day.

The usual problems ensue. Students don’t have their money yet, they haven’t completed all their paperwork, etc. So, as I sit enduring the day that was, I’m wondering if time can possibly go any slower. I was ready for a nap by 8:30. So, the day goes on, and as I mentioned I just wasn’t in the mood for the same old shit. I hadn’t cracked a smile all day. Then something happened. Maybe you have to work in the office to find this event interesting, but I thought I would post it anyway. Just when I start to wonder why it is that I do customer service, something happens to remind me.

Into the office she walked.

I have dubbed her “the Leerer.” She’s a “repeat customer” who responds to every answer given to her by standing there and basically attempting to stare a hole through whoever has the unfortunate honor of speaking with her. She kind of resembles the Wicked Witch of the West, only infinitely less fuckable. She’s one of those students who decided to go back to school at 50 and I guaran-damn-tee you she spends more time in our office than she does in class. She’s a hateful, bitter, prune-faced old bitch who perennially argues with student workers then leers at them for a prolonged amount of time, of course. So, as you might imagine, I had the dubious privilege of talking with her today.

So, she approaches the booth that I was stationed at and begins her inquiries. Here’s how it went down:


Leerer: I was told that my Aid Check (an amount that goes back to the student if Financial Aid exceeds tuition) would be in today.

Ima: No, unfortunately (I have to use this word all the time in this office) it’s not. The award letter is set to print tomorrow and that will have to be signed before anything applies to the account. You should get the letter Friday, so just pick that up, sign it, and bring it back into us. Unfortunately, it may be one or two weeks before anything applies to your account though.

Leerer: That’s not what I was told by Diane (one of the office coordinators). She said my money would be in today.

Ima: (Still politely) No. I’m sorry, but that letter has to be signed first, then they can get the funds applied to your account.

Leerer: Well that’s not what Diane said! That isn’t what she told me! (She then stops, breathes in deeply and angrily stares as a line of students begins to form behind her)

Ima: (Still being cool) I’m sorry for the miscommunication. Diane is actually out of the office until Friday or I would let you speak with her. It’s just that the letter has to be signed before anything can be put on your account.

Leerer: (growing increasingly agitated) I had a private conference with Diane and she told me I would have my money today! That’s what she told me! (her gaze also becomes angrier)

Ima: (at this point, getting kind of pissed off) Well, I don’t know what was said when you met with Diane, but it is office policy that you must sign that letter before anything is put on your account. As I said, you will get the letter Friday, so just sign it and bring it back to us.

Leerer: But that’s not what Diane said in her meeting! That’s not what she told me! (She proceeds to stare)

Ima: (Okay, this fucking cunt has officially pissed me off) Look, I wasn’t in Diane’s office with you when you had your meeting so I don’t know what was said. What I know is that nothing is going on your account until you sign that letter. That’s how this process works. That’s all I can tell you. So sign your letter when you get it.


So, one of the financial aid counselors overhears this and intervenes. She proceeds to tell the Leerer exactly what I said. Of course, her response was “that wasn’t what I was told!”

The counselor begins to advise her on something else. I’m standing behind the counselor as this is going on. The Leerer cuts the counselor off in mid-sentence and thrusts her bony, witch-like finger at me and angrily asks “What’s he laughing at?!”

Now I can’t honestly tell you whether I laughed or not. I mean, this grown woman is making a fucking idiot of herself in front of her peers (that just so happen to be an eighth her age). I don't recall laughing, but it's a definite possibility. However, I angrily respond: “I’m not laughing!” The counselor then says to the Leerer “he wasn’t laughing at you.” The bitch and I then have a mini stare down, which ends with me smirking.

Well, the Leerer, pissed off as she was, turns to storm out of the office. She turns around the line of waiting students and approaches the exit door to leave the office. She opens the door, but before she leaves, she, of course, stops and leers back at me and screeches the word that would change my shitty mood.

“Asshole!”

At that point, I did laugh. I don’t know what it was about this little episode that brightened my day, but it did. Perhaps it was the comicalness of the whole thing or the absurdity of a middle-aged woman acting like a spoiled 5-year-old. Whatever it was, the Leerer had made me laugh and gave me a story for the day.

When she comes back on Friday, she’ll have a surprise waiting for her. No, it won’t be her loan funds. See, the counselor that spoke with her relayed this incident to the office superiors. She is apparently fed up with the Leerer copping an attitude every time she darkens the door of the office. Next time she comes in, she is to meet with the coordinators and may end up being taken to the Dean of Student Affairs. This could result in her ancient ass being barred from the Financial Aid office. Hearing that made me smile too.

Tomorrow, I get to go through the rounds again. Same stuff. Students don’t have their money yet, paperwork not turned in, etc. But I have to keep on my toes. You never know when you may get that one person who changes your whole day.

Another day of drama awaits. For $5.15 an hour. You can’t beat that!