Only in Dreams...(not trying to rip off the song title idea, but it applies here)

WOW! I don’t know if it’s work stress catching up to me or the greasy-ass onion rings I had before I went to bed, but I had a crazy dream Friday that I had to write about. I have a propensity for remembering dreams, especially ones that are this nuts. I thought it was funny, but you guys may not. Here goes! And I shit you not…I really had this dream…

First, I must describe the premise of the dream to truly give a hint of its insaneness. Only Clint and myself were in the dream. Now, me and Clint are the stars of this movie, a comedy/buddy flick I suppose. Now the fact that this is a movie is never actually stated in the dream, but it is known….you know how dreams do that. Anyway, Clint’s character is a slightly depressed engineer who’s bored with his life and fed up with his overbearing mother and constant problems with women. I play his psychiatrist/best friend. In the film, the two of us are on some kind of road trip, I guess to help Clint’s character “find himself.” Must be an independent movie….

Now I only really dreamt of one scene in the movie. Not being directed or any “behind the scenes” stuff, just one scene. Clint’s character and mine are sitting in a diner of some type, somewhere resembling Waffle House. Now keep in mind that my character is not only Clint’s character’s best friend, but also his psychiatrist. I remember pretty much verbatim the “dialog” from the scene. Because I am a lazy bastard, I will use “IC” for my character and “CC” for Clint’s character. Plus, the character names were never given in the dream. Here’s the scene:

IC: Man, I love the coffee here. Shit’ll put hair on your chest. So, how do ya feel? What are ya thinking right now?

CC: Well, I’m hungry, but that’s about to be taken care of. I can’t stop thinking about how my girl said she “needs more space.” I don’t think I’m a smotherer. And mom. She still calls at least eight times a day. I know how to wipe my ass, ya know. I guess I’m just kinda aggravated.

IC: I see…

CC: Plus, I apparently have Social Anxiety Disorder.

IC: (bewildered) What did you just say?

CC: Oh, nothing (chuckles)

IC: No, what’d you just say?

CC: I said I may have Social Anxiety Disorder. Being a psychiatrist, I assume you know what that is.

IC: Whoa, whoa, whoa! I never diagnosed you with that. (pause) I cannot believe this shit! You’ve been seeing another shrink!!!

CC: Oh geez….

IC: Who was it? Huh? I have a right to know.

CC: Oh, no. I’m not gonna let you make a big deal out of this.

IC: Who was it?!

CC: I’m not telling you. You’re acting like a child.

IC: Did ya have fun? Were they better than me?

CC: Shit, man. Chill out. You’re making a scene.

IC: I will NOT chill out! You went behind my back. And while you were there, you put a knife in the fucker!

CC: I just wanted a second opinion. People do it all the time.

IC: Yeah, well you coulda told me, ya know. You could’ve told me that my psychiatry skill sucks!

CC: It doesn’t. Damn, it was only one time.

IC: Unreal. Can’t believe this shit. When was this?

CC: Last Wednesday.

IC: Hold up….You see me on Wednesdays.

CC: I went to Dr. Jones Wednesday morning.

IC: This is bullshit! You saw another doctor the same day you see me?! Besides, Dr. Jones is a fucking quack! How much did ya pay?

CC: Unlike you, my insurance covered it.

IC: Hey, asshole! I don’t charge you…full rates anyway.

CC: Look, I heard that Dr. Jones was good, so I went to check it out. It wasn’t a slight on you.

IC: Did ya even think about me? Huh?

CC: Shit. This conversation is done. I’m not having this.

IC: We’re not done with this you back-stabbing sonofabitch!

CC: Dude, Dr. Jones was pretty good, and I suggest that you go see him. He may help you get that anger management in check. You seem to have a lot of issues for a shrink.

IC: I don’t know how much longer I can sit in this booth. It’s really uncomfortable. Oh! Must be the knife in my back!

CC: Shut up.

IC: Well, coffee and eggs were gonna be on me, but FUCK YOU! (My character then slams his half of the bill on the table and storms out of the diner, leaving Clint’s sitting there, shaking his head in disbelief.)


And cut! Isn’t that crazy? And I swear it’s true. I think I need psychology classes to analyze the meaning behind that! Too weird…

Keep it real, ya’ll!