The Cure for the Common Hangover
I partook of an event today that I haven’t had the pleasure of doing so in years. It’s either been work or sheer laziness that had prohibited it before, but today I watched Saturday morning “cartoons.”
Things have certainly changed since the days when I awoke with overwhelming anxiousness on Saturdays to rot my mind. Gone are the staples of my Saturday morning diet when I was a wee Ima. No more “Garfield and Friends”…no more “Saved by the Bell”…and definitely no more of my all-time favorite “Pee Wee’s Playhouse.”
It seems now that each station (Fox, CBS, NBC, and ABC) seems to follow a very formulaic set of Saturday morning programs, varying depending on the station. In other words, the programs on NBC are all basically the same for that station, but will be totally different from what would be on Fox. Here are my thoughts and some standouts from what I saw.
Refreshingly, one of my old standards is still on the air. It comes on Fox. That’s right…The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Fox appears to be the stop for more mindless, violent, Anime-esque programming. So, if you want to be entertained rather than learn, you watch Fox. Following TMNT is a cartoon based on the game F-Zero. I liked the original game, so I figured I’d give this Amine diddy a try. Well, I only recognized one character. It was violent, mindless, and overall pretty lame. The digitized effects used for the vehicles look as if they’d been part of an ETSU student’s graphic design project. I will now never play F-Zero again. Thank you, Fox.
ABC relies on live action shows rather than animated ones. “That’s So Raven” can be seen here. But I like cartoons, not people. So fuck ABC.
“Discovery Kids” is the programming set used by NBC. The morning starts with “Kenny the Shark” followed by “Tutenstein.” Both programs not only attempt to educate viewers about animals and history, but also try to provide life lessons, which is the job of parents. Anyway, an example of a couple of “life lessons” can be taken away from today’s “Kenny the Shark.” This toon is divided into two 15-minute halves. The first part dealt with feeling pride in yourself, no matter how much you may be outshined by those around you. The second part of the show demonstrated how to stand up to bullies and not be afraid to tell someone if you are being bullied. Hell, I told on my bully…it saved my job at Citi! OH! And if you think kids can escape the vile clutches of reality TV, then you are dead wrong, my friend. See, NBC also has “Trading Spaces: Kids Edition.” But I’d take He-Man wallpaper in my room as opposed to eggshell paint anyday.
CBS lifts programs that can be seen on NickKids. Lazy bastards. CBS was THE station I watched growing up. It saddens me to see they can’t even develop their own programs now. Their shows seem to rely on technology to adhere to their animated quota. An example would be “Miss Spider,” a show that gives me the sense it’s catering more to 3-year-olds. It specifically uses digital animation and is just too cute. However, CBS holds the honor for showing the most demented, frightening program in the history of Saturday mornings. It’s a puppet show called “Lazy Town.” HOLY SHIT! With the exception of one girl with pink hair, the children of Lazy Town are represented by the scariest fucking puppets you will ever see. The “Puppet Master” films ain’t got shit! And there are two adults on the show. The good guy, Sporticus, and the villain, whose played by a guy that resembles the lovechild of Jim Carrey and Bruce Campbell. Now the irony of this show is that I think it wants to teach children that it’s better to go out and be active rather than sit and watch television. However, children won’t get that message from the show if they’re actually out and being active, as the will not be watching it. And if they don't want the shit canceled, the show's producers better hope that kids aren't getting that message. Today’s episode showed how eating fruit is good and gives you energy, and basically how sugar and candy is bad and makes you evil and nasty like our villain, Robbie Rotten. Yes, you will cheat your way through life if you eat sweets. Still, I was honestly mesmerized by this show, and I would suggest that you check it out if you get the chance.
So this is just a small sample of what kids sitting there eating their Sugar Smacks, Frosted Flakes, or any of the other tooth-rotting brands of cereal that are “part of this complete breakfast” have to look forward to on Saturday mornings. Makes me long for the good old days…
Also, I just wanted to mention briefly the passing of Joe Carter this past Wednesday. Being an avid attendee of the Carter Fold in Hiltons, this is indeed a sad event. Carter was the son of A.P. Carter. While he was a mere infant at the time, Joe Carter was present at the famous State Street recordings by the Carter Family in Bristol in 1927. This event is given credit for the birth of country music. Joe Carter entertained old and young alike with jokes, anecdotes, and his “barnyard noises” each Saturday night at the Fold. Rest in Peace, Joe Carter.
Keep it real!
Things have certainly changed since the days when I awoke with overwhelming anxiousness on Saturdays to rot my mind. Gone are the staples of my Saturday morning diet when I was a wee Ima. No more “Garfield and Friends”…no more “Saved by the Bell”…and definitely no more of my all-time favorite “Pee Wee’s Playhouse.”
It seems now that each station (Fox, CBS, NBC, and ABC) seems to follow a very formulaic set of Saturday morning programs, varying depending on the station. In other words, the programs on NBC are all basically the same for that station, but will be totally different from what would be on Fox. Here are my thoughts and some standouts from what I saw.
Refreshingly, one of my old standards is still on the air. It comes on Fox. That’s right…The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Fox appears to be the stop for more mindless, violent, Anime-esque programming. So, if you want to be entertained rather than learn, you watch Fox. Following TMNT is a cartoon based on the game F-Zero. I liked the original game, so I figured I’d give this Amine diddy a try. Well, I only recognized one character. It was violent, mindless, and overall pretty lame. The digitized effects used for the vehicles look as if they’d been part of an ETSU student’s graphic design project. I will now never play F-Zero again. Thank you, Fox.
ABC relies on live action shows rather than animated ones. “That’s So Raven” can be seen here. But I like cartoons, not people. So fuck ABC.
“Discovery Kids” is the programming set used by NBC. The morning starts with “Kenny the Shark” followed by “Tutenstein.” Both programs not only attempt to educate viewers about animals and history, but also try to provide life lessons, which is the job of parents. Anyway, an example of a couple of “life lessons” can be taken away from today’s “Kenny the Shark.” This toon is divided into two 15-minute halves. The first part dealt with feeling pride in yourself, no matter how much you may be outshined by those around you. The second part of the show demonstrated how to stand up to bullies and not be afraid to tell someone if you are being bullied. Hell, I told on my bully…it saved my job at Citi! OH! And if you think kids can escape the vile clutches of reality TV, then you are dead wrong, my friend. See, NBC also has “Trading Spaces: Kids Edition.” But I’d take He-Man wallpaper in my room as opposed to eggshell paint anyday.
CBS lifts programs that can be seen on NickKids. Lazy bastards. CBS was THE station I watched growing up. It saddens me to see they can’t even develop their own programs now. Their shows seem to rely on technology to adhere to their animated quota. An example would be “Miss Spider,” a show that gives me the sense it’s catering more to 3-year-olds. It specifically uses digital animation and is just too cute. However, CBS holds the honor for showing the most demented, frightening program in the history of Saturday mornings. It’s a puppet show called “Lazy Town.” HOLY SHIT! With the exception of one girl with pink hair, the children of Lazy Town are represented by the scariest fucking puppets you will ever see. The “Puppet Master” films ain’t got shit! And there are two adults on the show. The good guy, Sporticus, and the villain, whose played by a guy that resembles the lovechild of Jim Carrey and Bruce Campbell. Now the irony of this show is that I think it wants to teach children that it’s better to go out and be active rather than sit and watch television. However, children won’t get that message from the show if they’re actually out and being active, as the will not be watching it. And if they don't want the shit canceled, the show's producers better hope that kids aren't getting that message. Today’s episode showed how eating fruit is good and gives you energy, and basically how sugar and candy is bad and makes you evil and nasty like our villain, Robbie Rotten. Yes, you will cheat your way through life if you eat sweets. Still, I was honestly mesmerized by this show, and I would suggest that you check it out if you get the chance.
So this is just a small sample of what kids sitting there eating their Sugar Smacks, Frosted Flakes, or any of the other tooth-rotting brands of cereal that are “part of this complete breakfast” have to look forward to on Saturday mornings. Makes me long for the good old days…
Also, I just wanted to mention briefly the passing of Joe Carter this past Wednesday. Being an avid attendee of the Carter Fold in Hiltons, this is indeed a sad event. Carter was the son of A.P. Carter. While he was a mere infant at the time, Joe Carter was present at the famous State Street recordings by the Carter Family in Bristol in 1927. This event is given credit for the birth of country music. Joe Carter entertained old and young alike with jokes, anecdotes, and his “barnyard noises” each Saturday night at the Fold. Rest in Peace, Joe Carter.
Keep it real!
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