The Greatest Wrestler Ever!

One man took greed and made it look so cool. Growing up, I wanted to be just like him. I wanted to be underhanded, devious, conniving, and wealthy.

Yes, there’s no doubt about it: “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase is the greatest professional wrestler of all time!

What made “The Million Dollar Man” so great? There may be too many reasons to state, but here are a few:

*DiBiase would often call members of the audience up to the ring and have them perform idiotic stunts for cash, proving his infamous catchphrase: “Every Man Has His Price.”

*His version of the Cobra Clutch, “The Million Dollar Dream,” is among the most devastating finishing moves in pro wrestling history! After rendering an opponent unconscious with this powerful maneuver, DiBiase would stuff money down their gullet, providing a souvenir of their defeat at the hands of “The Million Dollar Man.”

*He had a bodyguard, Virgil. Of course, “The Million Dollar Man” had to whip that ass for Virgil when he would no longer be subservient to the awesome “Million Dollar Man.”

*The Million Dollar Belt…enough said!

*The sinister laugh that bellowed from Ted DiBiase during interviews and anytime he took the mic.

*His theme music! Click here to listen. In case you don't have access to it, here are the bad-ass lyrics:

(Opens with sinister laughter then women say “Money, Money, Money, Money)

Everybody’s got a price, and everybody’s gonna pay
‘Cuz the Million Dollar Man ALWAYS gets his way
(Sinister laughter then women saying “Money, Money, Money, Money)

Some might cost a little…some might cost a lot
But I’m the Million Dollar Man…and you WILL be bought!

(Sinister laughter)

*He brought the Undertaker into the WWF and was manager of Steve Austin when he was being referred to as “The Ringmaster.”

*He “purchased” Dusty Rhodes’ supposedly loyal, sweet manager, Sapphire, and had her turn on Rhodes in yet another of “The Million Dollar Man’s” evil deeds. It once again proved that “Every Man Has His Price.”

*He wasn’t a total pussy like Hulk Hogan, The Ultimate Warrior, Tito Santana, Randy Savage, Ricky Steamboat, and most of the other “faces” (good guys) of the WWF.

*He teamed with I.R.S. to form the tag team “Money Inc.” They were my second favorite team ever behind “Demolition.”

It’s really a fucking shame that DiBiase was never allowed to win legitimate WWF gold other than when he held the tag titles with I.R.S. in “Money Inc.” The only time that DiBiase was allowed to hold the strap was when he hired Andre the Giant to defeat Hulk Hogan. Once Andre did, DiBiase purchased the World Heavyweight Title from Andre. Of course, the title was later stripped from “The Million Dollar Man.” However, it just truly sucks that the greatest wrestler ever was never allowed to “earn” singles title gold.

It’s also sad that once DiBiase left the WWF for the veritable “retirement home” that the WCW became in the early to mid 1990’s, he became somewhat forgettable. One of the most charismatic villains in wrestling history was reduced to managing the Steiner Brothers. However, this can NEVER detract from the memories DiBiase created during his stint in the WWF.

Believe it or not, wrestling was once fun to watch, and villains like “The Million Dollar Man” made it all the more enjoyable. Gone are the days off truly vile heels and pussy-ass good guys. That’s probably what’s wrong with wrestling today; there’s just too much “grey.” Plus, there’s not a wrestler today, good or bad, that can hold a candle to “The Million Dollar Man.”

Without question, “The Million Dollar Man” is THE greatest professional wrestler of all time.

I had to PAY homage to "The Million Dollar Man"...apparently even I have my price! (it's a pun..get it?)

Thank you, Ted DiBiase!