Blame Canada

I had a little situation today in the financial aid office. Let me set this story up with some backtracking. This semester, ETSU decided to have rapper Ludacris perform for its homecoming, to be paid for with student activity fees of course. Well, this little performance almost wasn’t to be. As to be expected, it was met with controversy and protests to the point of it nearly being shut down. People in the community apparently didn’t like the idea of Ludacris rapping about blunts, big titties, and the Dirrrty Souf. Well the show went on anyway despite the backlash. Here’s an extended article for those actually interested:

http://www.timesnews.net/archives/index4.php?_StoryID=3561836&author=SAM%20WATSON


For the record, I didn’t go. That was needed to set up my story. Now, ETSU decided that they wanted to avoid another such debacle democratically. I didn’t have any classes actually on campus. Today, one of the staff members at the office was discussing the results of the student votes as to who they wanted to play homecoming for next year.

“They actually held a vote for it?” I inquired.

Dude stood up and exclaimed “You didn’t know that?! They advertised for it all over campus! I can’t believe you didn’t vote!”

“I didn’t even know about it. I didn’t have any classes on campus,” I said. “I don’t have any school spirit.”

Here was the list of choices the students had to choose from:

**Dave Matthews in an acoustic set (They’ll never get him)

**Norah Jones (Students that want a nap for homecoming voted for this one)

**Dashboard Confessional (Whining about not getting pussy is my job)

**Foo Fighters (The only one I’d be interested in seeing)

**Nickelback (I’m getting to them…)

Of course, Dave won the student voting. Norah actually finished second, so it looks like she’ll be playing. Well, I commented on the choices to the guy I was working with, despite the fact that I didn’t vote.

“Well, Dave is NOT going to play ETSU. The Foo Fighters are the best choice of the group. I’m just thanking God right now that Nickelback didn’t win. Those guys SUCK.”

You’d have thought that I just slapped the guy I was working with in the face or just advised him that I was sleeping with his mother and was able to provide photographic proof. He was shocked.

“You don’t like Nickelback?!” Dude angrily asked. “They’re one of my favorite bands!”

“I’m sorry,” I said. (With the tone that I’m sorry that they are, not an apologetic tone)

Then dude tried to justify his liking of the band (very shittily, I might add).

“Have you not heard the song ‘Photograph’?” he asked.

Here’s my thoughts on that song. The first time I heard it, I was in the car by myself. Once it was over, I actually said aloud “Holy shit! That was the WORST fucking song I’ve ever heard in my 25-year existence!” It was worse than the first time I heard Creed. Every time that song comes on the radio (the 14 times a day it does), I roll my eyes, clinch my fist, and swear violently at the radio right before I lividly slam the button to change the station.

Anyway, I said “Honestly, I think that’s the worst song I’ve ever heard.”

“Wow!” Dude said. “I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t like Nickelback. You vehemently do not like Nickelback, huh?”

“They are the worst band I’ve ever heard,” I replied.

“So you wouldn’t go see them play for free at homecoming?” he asked.

“Not only would I not go to see them here, but I wouldn’t open my front door to see them if they were playing on my lawn,” I said.

“I can’t believe you don’t like Nickelback,” he said.

Now, I actually think I offended this guy because of my complete disdain for Nickelback. And I really don’t care. I’m not apologizing. If one were tone deaf as all fuck, I think they’d still be able to recognize that Nickelback is appallingly terrible. They’re shitty with a capital SHIT. Popular music amazes me sometimes. How could anyone admit to liking this band? I think I’m just as amazed that anyone could actually enjoy Nickelback as this guy was that I didn’t. I have a solution to these shitty choices…I think the ETSU Bluegrass Band should play. That would raise school awareness for the program and allow the band to be seen by students who normally wouldn’t get to hear them. Plus, it would keep the likes of Nickelback from gracing the campus.

Nickelback sucks. Oh, do they suck! Just look at the Canadian cock-gobblers!

That's what you're taking pride in, Nickelback fans...all 10 of you.