The First Documented Experience of the Phenomenon of "The Butt Tooth"

Homegirl and future roomie Kat called today and left me with a conversation that has left me puzzled since the second it had started. Here’s how it went:


IMA: “Hello.”

KAT: “Hey, I’m calling people to see if anyone will believe me. I’m not calling everyone, just people that may believe me. I don’t want everyone to know about this. I called my sister, and she didn’t believe me. I guess I’m searching for someone who will.”

IMA: “What’s going on?”

KAT: “I think I just lost my first ‘Butt Tooth.’”

IMA: “Your what?”


Kat said that she was sitting around on the couch at her sister’s when something kinda stabbed her in the gluteus. Then, after some exploring down there, she pulled from her underwear a bloody tooth.


IMA: “Okay, I don’t believe this either.”


And I didn’t. But Kat wouldn’t bullshit me. Plus, who could possibly make this shit up?

Even the logical explanation seemed preposterous. And that explanation is that she went into the store but left her puppy in the car. It had been chewing on something earlier and yelped. Perhaps it had loosened a tooth. The explanation that she came up with is that somehow the pup’s tooth ended up in or on her purse, and, when she slung it across her shoulder, somehow the tooth exited the purse and went down her pants.

IMA: “So you think it’s your dog’s tooth?”

KAT: “I really hope so!”


After we hung up, I got online. I was searching for anyone else in cyberspace who may have experienced something similar. There were no chat rooms. No sites out there dedicated to a like event. It seems that there’s no one else out there who has experienced the phenomenon of the “Butt Tooth.” I had to document this, in the event that someone out there may go through the same thing. If you're out there, you are not alone!

We both agreed that Kat should put it under her pillow tonight. I mean, that thing’s gotta be worth more than the measly amount one would receive from a “normal” tooth based on its sheer rarity. Maybe she could afford the deposit on our place.

Is there a “Butt Tooth” fairy? If so, I imagine it’d look something like this: